Last Updated on May 23, 2024 by Kirsten Raccuia
The other night at dinner, my friend Hank asked me if there was anything I regretted about moving overseas?
No one has ever asked me that.
I think we are so busy living life, living in the present, that we don’t often take time to think about regrets – which is a good thing. Plus, I’m a pretty happy person, so dwelling on then crappy bits gets me nowhere.
However, the question made me think.
I pondered it for a while and quietly answered, Absolutely.
Then, after dinner and plenty of drinks were shared, I left Hank and Mark chatting away and slipped away to write this post. I know I am not the only one with regrets, yet I’ve never shared it here.
Until now, so keep reading…
Moving Abroad Regret #1
I regret selling my business before we moved.
I rarely write about my past life because, why bother, it’s passed. But I used to own a wholesale clothing agency called Feisty Kitten Showroom. We represented 10-12 clothing lines from around the world and sold to boutiques and big box stores throughout the Midwest.
It was a small business, but we did a good business. It was my baby for 10 years, something I had built from scratch in the fashion world. An industry I had always wanted to be in and what I initially went to college for.
At the time, I thought moving abroad meant choosing one life over the other. Having a foot in each country meant not having my heart in either. Little did I know that it would have been totally ok to have my heart in both.
I thought selling everything and starting fresh seemed like the smart thing to do so we wouldn’t feel the pull to go back to the US when it got hard. Which is why I sold Feisty Kitten.
However, I sold it to someone I trusted who turned a million-dollar business into dust. While that has nothing to do with moving overseas, that has everything to do with our lifestyle.
I counted on the monthly buyout money as a good-faith cushion to live off until we figured it out here. She never paid me, shut the doors, and basically slinked out in the middle of the night, owing lots of people money and destroying something that meant so much to me.
Thankfully, she didn’t ruin my reputation, but it broke my heart.
Lesson Learned:
If I could do it over, I would have stayed on as a consultant but taken the payment upfront, not as a monthly buyout. And now, when people ask me if they should quit their jobs before moving overseas, I tell them my story. If you can’t go remote with your current job, find a job that will let you while you are still in the US.
Or find a way to consult for a company in your field. It is way easier to be a consultant in your current career then try to start all over in a new country. Trust me.
This leads me to another regret…
Moving Abroad Regret #2
I wish we moved to a country where we could legally work.
Let me explain…
We could work in Malaysia if we were hired by a company that wants to get us a costly visa. Or we could start a business and apply for business visas – which we did (more on that below).
But just showing up and getting a job here, especially on a tourist visa, is illegal.
On our current 10-year visa, working locally is a no-no. We can work part-time online, but we can’t take a job from a Malaysian, and rightfully so.
However, there are many countries where we can work legally, and getting the correct visa to do so is easier. When we left, I figured naively that as the Raccuia Team, we could do anything, anywhere in the world. And I still believe that. But honestly, I thought it would have been easier.
Lesson Learned:
Starting over isn’t easy. Do your research and choose a country where working is an option. Have a plan B.
Moving Abroad Regret #3
I regret not having a better plan for making money.
I remember telling Mark that no matter what, we’d figure things out. No need to have a plan, we can play life by ear. Not having a master plan is one of my best and worst traits.
I’m a spontaneous butterfly. I flit from one thing to the next, following the next glittery object like a cat being teased by a laser pointer.
But on the flip side of that, I rarely make goals and future plans.
Without a plan for work, we floundered around trying new things and sinking money and time into visas and a business that neither of us wanted. We started a medical tourism business which sucked. It sucked our money and our time and left us wishing we had never started it.
Plus, it tethered us to Malaysia, and our master plan was never to be tethered to another country. We wanted to be mobile and live anywhere, everywhere, but having a biz here prevented that dream.
If we had taken the time to build some online skills, we could have worked remotely from day one.
Reinventing myself as a writer and editor hasn’t been an easy path. I’m not afraid of hard work, but it would have been easier to have started online work before we left.
Lesson Learned:
For anyone planning to move overseas, figure out a way to work remotely. Having a job earning USD could have made our lives sooooo much easier from the start. Don’t play it by ear as we did. It doesn’t work, at least not very well.
Moving Abroad Regret #4
I regret moving to a place that makes it nearly impossible to get home.
However, I don’t regret moving to Penang. I just wish I could pick it up and move it off the coast of Panama — about 15 hours closer to the US.
I would not change moving to Malaysia for ANYTHING. I mean that. Penang is my happy place that gave us 9 years of a lifestyle we love.
I’ve met some of the best people, period, full-stop. And my life is measurably better for knowing them. Even though most of them have since left Malaysia, they have left an indelible mark. Victoria-Amy, you know who you are. 😉
If we moved to Costa Rica, our original plan, would we have been as happy? Would we have fallen in love with our adopted home and its people – expats included?
It’s impossible to know.
However, as much as I love Malaysia and the gifts it has given me, it’s so damned far away. Getting home is a two-day affair, which conversely means very few visitors. There is no way to go home for an emergency. We can’t attend a lot of friends and family milestones, which makes me feel a little less connected.
Lesson Learned:
If being able to jet home somewhat quickly is essential to you, choose your adopted country wisely. I don’t want to live in the US, but being able to fly back within 10 hours would be great.
Life update:
In 2022, we moved to Mexico.
It wasn’t an intentional move. It was only supposed to be for a month until we figured out if we wanted to go back to Penang after the pandemic. But we fell in love with Puerto Vallarta and the ease of getting home so quickly.
I love being able to talk to my mom and friends at “normal” hours. And hopping on a plane to celebrate birthdays with Mark’s dad, who is in his 90s. Furthermore, we’ve already had more visitors in Mexico than we did in the 9 years we were in Penang.
It’s a total lifestyle change, but we are here for it. Moral of the story? If one of your moving abroad regrets is causing you too much heartache, you too can move.
The Wrap Up
I get that hindsight is 20/20, I’ve learned a lot of lessons, which is exactly why I’m writing this. If I can prevent someone from having the same regrets, or making the same mistakes, then mission accomplished.
Now, it’s my turn to ask. Expats, do you have any regrets? Tell me in the comments below.
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Excellent post. I have lived in 8 countries because of my husband’s work, and I have loved our international life. Fortunately as a Harlequin romance writer, I could pick up my computer and keep moving without a problem. Regrets? Having no roots, not having a “home” with family and longtime friends. Every time we moved, we “lost” our friends and had to start over, knowing these contacts too would not last on a personal human level: No, social media does not take the place of real human interaction! Then again, our international life has given us mind opening experiences and I would do it all over again. You can’t have it all, they say 😉
Thank you Miss Footloose! It’s hard not to have any regrets but at the same time, the as you put it, “mind opening experiences,” make it so worth it!
Hi Kristen, sorry to hear about your business. I’m glad it didn’t affect the reputation. I moved away from my family in England to move to the US so my daughter can live close to her father. She’s now 13 and I’m debating moving back to England once she graduates so we can be closer to my family once again. It’s a hard decision moving abroad and I don’t want to make a bad decision for my child and regret it later on. I see in one of your responses that people split their time living in two countries. Its something I might consider so we can get the best of both worlds. Oh decisions decisions decisions.
Hi Patricia,
It’s def a difficult decision to move either way. And it’s a heavy one. I wish you the best of luck!
Kirsten
Any recommendations for where to live in Tanjung Bungah! The view from your home looks incredible!
Hey Del, sorry for the delay. We went on a road trip and had little access to the internet. Pretty much every condo building here in Tanjung Bungah has great views, and there are A LOT of them. Which condo building really depends on your budget and needs. If you tell me a little more about that, I may be able to point you in the right direction.
Oh my goodness, Kirsten, how horrible to hear about your business! My heart broke for you just while reading your post!! But, it’s those types of things in our past that make us tougher, and more flexible.
We ABSOLUTELY LOVE living in Penang, but it isn’t perfect. The only thing that would make it perfect is to pick it up and place it in the eastern hemisphere! I think those who have been fortunate to have enough saved up for retirement and/or already had a solid monthly/quarterly income from their home country, the working element is by far the biggest hurdle. Unfortunately, when we made our decision to move to Penang, we thought we would be just fine financially because of the following two scenarios:
1. My job that my boss and I were fairly certain I would be able to keep on a part-time basis – my entire department was eliminated 6 days before we moved; AND
the company my husband was working for wanted him to work part-time for them here in Penang – they couldn’t get the work visa – so, no job for him either.
2. We were told by certain individuals both locally in Penang and at living abroad conferences that we could work 20 hours a week on the MM2H. No problem.
Had we known earlier about the above, we probably would have moved later, giving us some time to stay at our jobs but establish online work.
Live and learn though! Just like you, we are still doing that dance!!
Hey Patti!
Thank you, it broke my heart as well.
You and Bob really had a few shockers thrown at you right from the get-go. As if moving to another world wasn’t hard enough. Regarding #2-you can work 20 hours here on MM2H, but I believe it has to be approved if it is for a local company. Right?
Hi Kirsten
Regarding the MM2H we applied for ours in February 2019 and it was approved by the Immigration Department in July 2019. It has a clear note on it which is also shown on the Malaysia Pass (the actual MM2H Visa – in your passport) “Any form of employment is strictly prohibited”
The MM2H process is stressful, so we choose to use “Alter Domus” as our agent which took most of the stress out of it.
Hi Rick,
Thanks for the info!
Hi Kirsten,
Thank you for your comment and it is exactly what we intend to do. But definitely the ‘Other’ four months will NOT be in Michigan!! I mean from Nov to Feb.
I was just about to submit my MM2H papers and then received some bad news as to the MM2H program. The whole program is ‘temporarily’ suspended until December and currently being handled by Immigration and not the Ministry of Tourism! They have rejected 90% of all the applicants last month! Glad that I did not apply yet!
Anyway, I shall be waiting for the program to start and apply for the MM2H.
Thanks and stay safe!
Ferdous.
Ha! NO MORE MIDWEST WINTERS is my motto too!
Yes, weird things are going on with the MM2H offices. It seems like the left hand isn’t communicating with the right hand. If moving to Malaysia has taught me anything, it’s that patience is a must!
I had no idea the biz was handled so poorly. It made me so sad to see it fail. On the flip side, it’s been fun to watch you love your best ex-pat life. I hope you’re doing well!
Hi Melanie!
Thank you for reading!
Yeah, it was so brutal and sad to see something that had been doing so well get destroyed. But it was a life lesson and making a life here was a great decision so no regrets on that aspect of things.
Stay well!
K
Oh girl, you know I have a few. I definitely regret not keeping some ties in the states, subletting my condo, doing a few 3 month long trips before diving in headfirst AND basically alone shoc made things even tougher at times. Definitely wish I’d have taken the time to look into online or remote businesses in the states when I had income coming in instead behind the 8ball trying so many things that tools so much time and money, plus the trouble of the visa runs which always made it hard to really feel settled in or grounded. I don’t regret taking the plunge but I wish I had taken the time to focus a plan and THEN do the plunge and sell everything. Still, you never hear stories of people on their death beds lamenting taking too many chances and I’ve dreamed of this for my whole adult life. Keep up the great blob. 💗T
Hi T!
I totally agree. It’s not taking the leap that I regret, its how we did it. Planning is everything, but you have to be flexible too. See what comes your way while on the ground. But that all could have been done with a remote or online job paying the bills while searching.
Visa runs are fun at first because it’s a forced vacay. But then they get stressful and $$.
Bravo to you for following your dreams! Most people never do.
Hello Neighbor… It is me again, The great Michigander!
Thank you for another life event post that many would never talk about.
Good to get some of the lessons learned from your experiences. As I am trying to be a prospective expat and hoping it to be in Malaysia, I think I fall into some of your itemized ‘regrets’.
I am sorry to see your established business ruined by some incapable people and I believe, it is the heart that you put into that business was not equalized by the other person.
I feel for you for the last one as I am in the same boat. With three children would be left behind is the biggest of hurdle for my wife and I. Still Bangladesh is close by where we were originally from. SO I would be doing a very strong soul searching for the last regret!
Yet I am very happy for you as to your pleasant personality and how you have merged into a life that you two truly love even though with all the regrets are left behind. Best wishes always! Ferdous
Hi Ferdous,
I am glad my post has opened your eyes to a few things.
Moving away from family, no matter how far is difficult. But in your case, you are moving closer to your home country, so that might help. Do you still have family there?
Hi Kirsten,
Yes my mother in law and my couple of siblings are there along with many relatives, who am regularly in contacts.
Thank you,
Ferdous
Hi Ferdous,
So Malaysia is further from some and closer to others. That is a difficult pull.
Maybe you split time here. Spend some time in the US, some here and some in Bangladesh. Many people get MM2H and stay here for 8 months and then take off for the other four. Just a thought.