How to Use AI to Plan a Puerto Vallarta to Melaque Road Trip

Last Updated on July 30, 2024 by Kirsten Raccuia

Looking for a quick weekend getaway from Puerto Vallarta? This road trip to Melaque might just be the laid-back answer to your weekend dreams!

Never heard of Melaque? Neither had we. Many people haven’t. But after our road trip there, we’ve got the skinny.

This is what happens when you let AI plan your last-minute trip. Here is how to do (and not do) Melaque.

So, why Melaque?

It was our 21st anniversary. Mark sprung on me that we should take a little weekend getaway. Telling a travel writer to make a quick plan for a getaway had me in analysis paralysis panic. I want to go everywhere!

Mark wanted to take a road trip, and #1) we have no car, #2) all the places on my must-visit list are via an airplane because… see #1.

I asked around but didn’t find a place that seemed ideal. So, what’s a girl to do?

In today’s age of AI chatbots, I decided to let Guide-Geek AI plan our trip.

What could go wrong?

After living in Puerto Vallarta for two years, we’ve never gone south. So, we told GG (Geek Guide) to head south, and she came up with San Pancho, a small town north of here. So that felt like a great start. 🤣

After chastising GG to study a map, I tried again with more info. We wanted a beach, with a small town and lovely vibe with things to do for four days.

Eventually, she spit out Melaque (also called San Patricio).

And so, it began.

About Melaque, Jalisco, Mexico

The main attraction in Melaque is the beaches. It’s a well-known surf and skimboarding spot for those in the know (unlike us).

It’s a pretty small coastal town that doubles in size during high season (from November to April). Unbeknownst to us, it’s a huge Canadian snowbird town, too. So, when I said it doubles in size, it’s mostly Canadians coming to escape the harsh winter up north.

Also, unbeknownst to us, when it’s outside of peak season, it’s a bit like a ghost town. GG didn’t tell us that bit. But then again, I didn’t ask.

Map of Melaque

Curious about where Melaque, Mexico, is on a map?

Melaque is about a four-hour drive south of Puerto Vallarta and an hour north of Manzanillo.

Check out this map to familiarize yourself with the area and all the towns in this blog.

Our route on the way there was Puerto Vallarta > Tuito > Melaque.

On the way back it was Melaque > Tehuamixtle/Mayto > Vallarta.

How’s the road from Puerto Vallarta to Melaque?

Now you know the why and the where — let’s get into the how…

We got a good deal on a last-minute rental car at the airport Avis through Discover Rental Cars and took off south.

As we got further away from Vallarta, the highway got less and less like a highway. It was a mostly smooth, curvy two-lane road with some pockmarks.

Let me set the scene.

Imagine this… vibrant yellow and black long-tailed birds flitting from tree to tree. Jaguar crossing signs and hundreds of woven pendant bird’s nests hanging overhead. Massive rows of fruit-laden mango trees that seemed to go on forever. And flowering cacti hidden between the palm trees.

It was pretty dry overall, but in a month, it’ll all be a lush, deep green, the color of a forest green crayon. And once we were on a straightaway, we’d see the backdrop of the mountains in the distance.

So calm and peaceful, right? The perfect road trip road.

That’s until Mark missed the first tope (speedbump), and we went flying like the General Lee in the opening scene of The Dukes of Hazards. Seemingly out of the blue, massive topes would appear — or barely appear — but not until you’re right on top of them. These topes aren’t the small kind that you can cruise over. Oh no. These MF’ers will take your undercarriage off. If you’re lucky, there is a sign.

Sometimes, they are painted yellow. Other times, you don’t see them until it’s too late, slamming on the brakes and shifting the contents of your back seat firmly to the front.   

And there are hundreds of them. So that was fun!

Our route from Puerto Vallarta to Melaque

We asked GG where to stop to break up the ride and grab breakfast, and she gave us a resounding Tuito! She went on to tout Tuito for its fascinating town plaza, cheese and raicilla (a cousin of tequila).

Sounded like a trifecta of perfection for us.

Our friend Brent told us to go to Campestre Las Parotas, but it’s only open on Saturdays and Sundays.

So, we went back to GG for advice.

⁠She gave us El Patio De Mario right on the tiny town plaza for traditional Mexican dishes, and we were pleasantly surprised. It had a super cute, sunlight inner courtyard with loads of plants. Mark had the best tortilla soup he’s ever had. I had the chilaquiles with scrambled eggs, which were also delish.

With a limonada and a café (which was awful; pretty sure it was instant), it came to 405 pesos ($23). Def not the cheapest breakfast we’ve had, but it did the trick.

After eating, we wandered around the main plaza, snapped exactly three pics (it’s hardly fascinating, GG), and then checked out the little grocery store. We found the cheese and raicilla but decided to pick it up on the way back. (Note to self: buy it when you first see it. You’ll never go back).

After our little exploration and photo stops, we were back on the road to Melaque. Tuito was good for lunch. Not sure I’d go back for a longer stay though.

After about two more hours of high speeds abruptly interrupted by head-smacking speedbumps, we arrived in Melaque.  

GG’s rating so far is = a solid C+.

What is Melaque like?

Our first impression of the town was that it was sleepy. And indeed, it was. Not sure if it’s because it was the off-season, but a lot of hotels, restaurants and businesses were closed.

GG never told us that, but I also didn’t ask.

Melaque is mostly laid out in a grid and squeezed between the ocean and the highway, so getting around is pretty easy. There are just as many bikes and ATVs on the road as there are cars.

The main plaza and the streets radiating off it are where all the action is. And when I say action, I mean some taco stands, a guy singing along with an old Mexican crooner through the megaphone perched on his truck, and some crepe stands.

That’s all, folks.

Well, almost. There is more action in town — in the form of a few big strip clubs, which seemed out of place next to taco joints and a karaoke hotspot.

Where to eat in Melaque

There are taco stands all over, and you should def try them. But if you’re looking for something a little ummm, errr, different, go to the plaza and find the salchipulpo stand.

What is salchipulpo, you say?

Well, we thought it was some sort of sausage (salchicha) mixed with octopus (pulpo) on a bed of fries.

Turns out it’s a hot dog, cut to look like a curled-up octopus, then deep-fried and thrown over fries. And you know what? It was damn good. And, of course, we forgot to take a pic.   

Maybe it was not our most fabulous anniversary meal, but it was certainly a memorable one.

After our fancy-cut hot dog anniversary meal, we headed for the only bar that was recommended to us in town. It was karaoke night at the Barba Negra. We lived in Malaysia for nine years and never went to karaoke. Here we were, in Mexico, listening to Mexican karaoke. Oh, the irony of it all.

But all kidding aside, we had a great meal of lamb ribs and tableside flambéed octopus at Kraken the night before. So, we weren’t upset about it.

Our last night we went into the neighboring town of Barra de Navidad for dinner.

We got a whole grilled fish. Seems pretty basic, right? But it was the worst dinner we’ve had in Mexico.

I’d eat salchipulpo all day over that plate of disappointment. But afterward, we found the cutest little loungy club called Samsara. A def must if you head to Barra de Navidad.

I know from GG there are a lot more restaurants in Melaque open during high season.

Besides all the Mexican spots, GG mentioned Thai, Korean, Japanese, fusion, and pizza places. But everyone we tried to go to was closed, even if their Facebook pages said they were open — which was a bit annoying. People! Adjust your opening hours on Facebook and Google if you’re going to be closed for months on end! Puh-leasse!

So, I’m certain that during high season, it’s super packed, and all the Canadians eat their faces off, but it just wasn’t in the cards for us.

GG restaurant rating = D+. Almost nothing she recommended was open.

Our hotel in Melaque: La Paloma Oceanfront Retreat

We loved our little spot in Melaque at La Paloma.

Because they were nearly empty and it was our anniversary, they upgraded our room to the top floor with an ocean view and a full private deck and kitchen. But that’s not why we loved it.

The owners, Kylie and Josue, were so kind and helpful. And although their Chief Security Officer, Loki, looked after the place, he was more inclined to play catch with you for hours.

It was a super cute small boutique hotel with a large pool right on the beach. The rooms had beautiful Mexican touches, like colorful tiles, hand-painted sinks and carved headboards. Very lovely.

It was a few blocks away from the square but very walkable. We’d def recommend La Paloma to anyone heading that way.

One thing to note: If you plan to spend your whole day at the beach and want to get in the water, the beach in front of the hotel isn’t for you. But if you want to skimboard or surf, you’ve hit the wave jackpot!

The waves were so thunderous that I thought we had an earthquake the first night. But it was just a massive wave that shook our building.

GG on boutique hotels in Melaque = A

Things to do in Melaque

Beach hop

This area is called Costalegre, meaning Happy Coast. Its bays, beaches and cape stretch from Puerto Vallarta all the way to Manzanillo. So, beach hopping we went.

One cultural difference we’ve noticed is that many Mexican families and friends who spend the day at the beach don’t come looking for lounge chairs. They grab a table, pull all the chairs around it and eat, drink and play games until it’s time to go home. Sometimes, they even bring their own speakers and music. They really bring the party.

On the other hand, most Americans and Canadians want lounge chairs to chill, read a book and sleep.

One way isn’t better than the other, just a noticeable difference.

So, when you get to the beaches around Melaque, don’t expect to find a lot of loungers unless you’re at a hotel. There are usually various forms of chairs, from the white plastic stackable kind to the sling chair, but don’t come expecting to lounge like you would at the beach clubs in Puerto Vallarta.

Playa Melaque

The first day, we went to the town beach, Playa Melaque. It’s a long, wide beach with little to no waves.

There are a handful of restaurants that are perfect for sitting with your feet in the sand and chilling out. Do like the locals, bring various games and spend the whole day eating and drinking there. Unlike in the US, they don’t expect you to leave after 1.5 hours. You can sit for hours, and no one will ask you to move. But be sure to order from them.

Playa Cuastecomates

The next day, we went to Playa Cuastecomates, a little bay a 10-minute drive north of Melaque. As you pull into town, which is surprisingly new and modern, you’ll see people trying to wave you to park in their lots. They work at the beach restaurants, so if you park there, head into that restaurant for a drink or two.

If you don’t want to park at a restaurant, there is a lot at the end of the street. It’ll cost 70 pesos ($3.90) for all day.

On the far end of the beach is a big hotel with quite a few lounge chairs under thatched roof palapas. We grabbed a pair and sat there for about an hour. We didn’t know it was all-inclusive until they wouldn’t let us pay for the drinks. So, we left a big tip and skedaddled, not wanting to get anyone in trouble.

There are about 12 restaurants on the sand; we just moved to another spot. Although there were no other lounge chairs.

All the places have similar menus focusing on fresh local delights from the sea — think whole red snapper, ceviche, shrimp, octopus. And, of course, they all have burgers and that kind of stuff, too.

Playa Tenacatita

On the drive to Melaque, I spotted a crescent of bright white sand with dreamy aqua water. On our last day, we decided to find that paradise. It was about 45 minutes north.

This tiny bay is off a long, windy dirt road that T-bones into the beach. There are restaurants lining it and people trying to get you to park in their area.

We drove up and down (which took a total of 2 minutes) and finally parked where a lovely lady with bright purple lipstick and fabulous shades wooed us in (I’m a sucker for a bright lip). Her place is called Mariscos La Matraka and her name is Brenda.

It’s a family-run place, and they couldn’t have been kinder. We drank a couple of cold coconuts and then ordered a cielo rojo for each of us, which came in a very pretty hand-painted bamboo mug the size of my forearm. The 4 drinks came to 230 pesos ($12.75).

The beach is flat and sandy, and the water is shallow quite far out, so there are a lot of families and kids playing in the water.

While we were there, we had the pleasure of being wooed by a mezcal and raicilla ATV, an oyster cart, and a candy/nut guy. We couldn’t resist the charms of 2 out of 3. While the oysters looked tantalizing, we have a strict “on-ice-only” policy for beach bivalves.  

Walk the Malecon

There is a recently built malecon in Melaque that mirrors the shape of the coastline and is backed by the rolling mountains. Take an early morning or sunset stroll for gorgeous ocean views. At the end of it, there is a viewpoint you can climb to get a higher vantage point.

Spend some time in Barra de Navidad.

We only went there at night, but it looked like a cute little town. I am certain it has more going on than Melaque. And if we’re ever in the area again, I would check it out more.

We didn’t go to the beach in Barra because it’s better for surfing and skimboarding than swimming.  

Learn to skimboard or surf.

Melaque is the place to be for the yearly international skimboarding contests – it’s a huge deal around here! We didn’t see the contest, but the tricks we saw guys pull off were pretty remarkable.

If you head to the beaches of Melaque or Barra de Navidad, there are surf shops that offer lessons.

GG’s grade on things to do in Melaque = A

The trip back from Melaque to Puerto Vallarta

All vacations must come to an end, and on our last day, we hit the road around 9 am. We planned to go to the little fishing village of Tehuamixtle (Tehua for short) for a seaside oyster lunch, then hit neighboring Mayto Beach. We totally forgot about the raicilla and cheese in Tuito.  

The drive to Tehua is about 3 hours. This little town is known for its oysters, and we were excited to try them. We got there after a very long gravel road dropped us off right in front of a restaurant called Cande’s. We took it as destiny since GG recommended it, and it was even open.

This time, GG did not disappoint.

We ordered a dozen oysters a la Mexicana, which were massive raw oysters chopped up on a plate covered with fresh tomatoes, onion, and cilantro, like an oyster pico-de-gallo and served with different hot sauces. We spooned that deliciousness on top of saltines, and it.was.divine! Definitely the best oysters we’ve eaten in Mexico.

After our fill of oysters, we popped over to Mayto Beach for a hot minute. I really wanted to see if it’s a place we could hang out for a weekend. But this pasty girl needs an umbrella, and there wasn’t one on the beach. Not one. So, unless we bring our own, or I missed something, Mayto can’t happen for us.

(Mexico friends who have been to Mayto, am I wrong? Are there umbrellas somewhere?)

After that mini-exploration, we hit the road for the last two hours to return the rental car in Vallarta.

How to get to Melaque without a car

Believe it or not, it’s really easy to get to Melaque without a car.

There are buses from Puerto Vallarta to Melaque that only take about 4-ish hours and cost around $35 — def cheaper than a rental car.

Buses in Mexico are super fabulous and way nicer than any US bus I’ve been on — think wood paneling, TVs, cushy reclining seats, and a 20 kg (44 lbs) bag, plus a small backpack or handbag. You can even bring your pet.

Tips for staying safe on your road trip from Puerto Vallarta to Melaque, Mexico.

1. Watch for topes (speedbumps).
2. Don’t drive at night. Not because anything dangerous will happen, but because the roads are dark, windy, and have potholes, dogs dart out, a loose cow could be on the road, and of course, see #1.
3. Make sure your car has a full-sized spare tire and the tools you’ll need to change it, and some jumper cables, just in case.

Read this blog if you want general safety tips for Mexico.

When to go to Melaque

If you want beach days but don’t want to be the only ones in the restaurant, don’t do it from June through October. It’s the slow season, and you’ll be lonely unless that’s what you’re looking for.

Go during the high season (November through May), and it’s even better during the whale watching season (January through March).

The final say

In the end, our AI-planned adventure from Puerto Vallarta to Melaque was a whirlwind of unexpected delights and quirks. It was a journey we won’t soon forget. While GG had her off days, she did lead us to some lovely spots. And I bet if more places were open, we might have had a totally different vacation.

Would I do it again? Yes. Would I ask better questions? For sure. Would we go back to Melaque? Probably not — I still think it would be a little too slow for us. But that’s just one traveler’s opinion.

So, if you’re up for a spontaneous, scenic escape, let AI take the wheel — just be sure to bring your sense of humor and a spare tire.

Hasta luego.

XO❣️
K