Skip to content

Dear Malaysia, We Love You, but We’re Giving You a Time Out

    Last Updated on August 21, 2021 by Kirsten Raccuia

    Dear Malaysia,

    You’ve been so good to me. You’ve taught me about the world. You’ve taught me about patience. About kindness. About privilege. About friendship. About sadness, loss, and love.

    But you’ve also taught me about frustration. Anger. Racism. Inequality. Persistence.

    You’ve taught me a lot. And I’ve loved being your champion for all these years.

    But I’m breaking up with you.

    This is where I’m supposed to say. “It’s not you. It’s me.” But I can’t say that.

    Because honestly, it’s totally you. It’s not me.

    And it’s time to leave.

    This week’s blog is one that I never thought I’d write.  And I’m not even sure how to write it. So, excuse my madness. This is as much for you as it is for me. 

    Let me explain…

    Our love story

    You know how much we love Penang and why we love Malaysia..

    But what you might not know is when we came for our 2012 exploratory tour, my plan was to hate it. I didn’t want to like it. I tried to hate it. It was so far away. There was no way we could move here. Costa Rica was wayyyyy easier.

    And then we got here. It was love at first sight.

    I loved how exotic it was. How the crumbling walls of history give way to the repurposed colonial mansions. How the old and new hold hands and forged ahead into the future. How tri-shaws pedaled by weaving between Mercedes and pickup trucks.

    How the roti-man rides his bike-cart into place, rings his bell and the neighborhood comes out for sandwiches.

    We fell so head over heels that we threw all our plans to move to Costa Rica out the window. Instead, we incinerated a decade’s worth of research and exploration in Costa Rica for Penang.

    There are a lot of reasons to love Malaysia and Penang. I mean, obviously, I tout it, ad nauseam, in this blog.

    And for the last 8 years, it’s been where we’ve made some of our best friends, where we’ve created a chosen family, put down roots, and created a life for ourselves.

    So, it pains me that Mark and I have decided to take a HUGE step and do what we think is best for us – to leave Malaysia.

    It is not a permanent move by any means. We’re not giving up on Malaysia, and we have lots of hope that this country will recover from this nightmare.

    However, we do not believe now is the time for us to stay.

    Our why

    girl in boat with hat and blue sunnies

    We want, no, need, to see our families. We feel like now is the time to get back to our original home and be a little closer to our loved ones. We are very worried about Mark’s dad, who is 91, with an unhappy ticker. And weekly phone calls to my mom just aren’t cutting it anymore.

    We need to reconnect with our families, in person, before God forbid. Because if Covid has taught us anything, it’s that there is a God forbid out there, you can’t plan for it, and it’s closer than you might think.

    We don’t want to leave Malaysia on these terms, but we are.

    I’m really crestfallen. My heart is broken. We aren’t leaving Malaysia because we are done with it. We’re going because we don’t know what the future holds, and we can’t wait another 500 days in some sort of lockdown to find out.

    No one can see the future. But being locked in our homes indefinitely while watching religious gatherings of 300 people, plus the higher-ups ignoring the rules, is slowly killing the people here. Not just figuratively but literally. And we can’t watch it anymore.

    My heart breaks for the people who are starving, for the people who are dying. Who’s lives will never be the same because politics have gotten in the way of common sense. I’m sure no matter where I live, I won’t always agree with the ruling party. That’s politics. That’s life. And that’s ok.

    Look, I’m from America, so I’m no stranger to absurd politics and corruption. In fact, I’ve grown to expect that in today’s world. But in the last 7 months, I’ve had more WTF moments than I’ve had in all the 8 years prior put together.

    So, it’s time Mark and I find a new happy place for the next few months. Malaysia, we need a little space, a leave of absence, a sabbatical if you will. Not a divorce, because we will be back.

    So, what’s next, you ask? What’s the plan?

    That, my friends, is a great question.

    In today’s world, planning seems futile. So, we bought a one-way ticket to Chicago, and that’s all we know for sure.

    We have all sorts of overdue business and paperwork to deal with, like new driver’s licenses and passports. And for the first time in 8 years of returning to the US, we aren’t on a tight time schedule.

    So, we’ll probably stay in Chicago until October sometime. Then off to Connecticut to see Mark’s family for a month or so. And then to Florida to visit more family – blood and chosen.

    Then, we have friends in Mexico, and we’ll go and stay with them for a while.

    After that, we really don’t know. We’re not sure when we’ll be allowed back into Malaysia. We’re not sure how we’ll feel about coming back if the borders are still shut and we remain in lockdown. Everything is up in the air, so we’re just going to wing it for a while.

    It’s exciting and horrifying at once.

    But since things change daily at the drop of a hat, who really knows. Part of the frustration in today’s world is the constant daily changes that no one can keep up with. It’s hard to know what’s right from wrong anymore.

    Because who can keep up with the rules? No masks, two masks, red mask, blue mask. Or is that Dr. Suess? It feels like one and the same. Life’s a bit like a Dr. Suess book — one crossed with a Steven King horror story.

    Living in the moment

    Never have we lived more in the moment than we are right now.

    We’ve got no idea what we are stepping into. Or in.

    Am I having another one of my grass is always greener moments? Am I just tired AF of Covid? Of course, who isn’t?

    I’m confident America will not be how I remember it, thanks to Covid, new PC rules, and political hatred.

    I am also certain this temporary repatriation will challenge and push us well beyond our comfort zones.

    We’ll be couch surfing and house crashing because Penang is our only home, not our second home. And in moving here, we sold everything. So now, our only “roof-over-our-head-home” is in Penang.

    I know this is a temporary thing. I fully expect my love affair to be rekindled in the future. And maybe even before we return. Perhaps once we are gone for a few months, we’ll be so desperate to get back here we will deal with the heinous quarantine conditions just for a piece of our paradise back. Who knows?

    We are totally flying by the seat of our pantalones. And I’m here for it. I feel at ease about not having a plan. Because as Gramma used to say, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans,” or did she say, “Man plans, God laughs.”

    I’m pretty sure she said both. So, Gramma, wherever you are, I get you.

    What’s next for the blog?

    couple in hammock lookin at the ocean

    You might have noticed that some of my latest blogs have been about digital nomad things… visas, jobs, and the like. Well, now you know why. Because we’ve been teetering about leaving for a while now. And finally, just pulled the trigger last week.

    It’s been hard to be an “ambassador” to Malaysia when I was falling out of love.

    So, for the next few months, my blog is going to evolve a bit. I’ll be writing more about life in the US because that is where I’ll be. And since Mark and I are starting a digital nomad journey, I’ll be writing about that as well.

    And I’ll be writing every other week for a while. But, as always, if there is anything you want me to write about, let me know.

    My life is changing, and the blog will reflect that.

    What is home?

    In my expat interviews, I always ask, what does home mean to you? Because for so many of us, that’s a complicated answer.

    The US has felt less and less like home every trip we take.

    But you know what will feel like home? Hugging our families. See the ones we love the most. That is what home is. And I’m ready for it. I’m ready to go home.

    55 thoughts on “Dear Malaysia, We Love You, but We’re Giving You a Time Out”

    1. Take care and safe travels, and like you we’re all hoping things get sorted out here in Malaysia. Enjoy Chicago but am hoping that you’ll remember that politicians aside, we still have the kind of food that you’ll want to come back to. Safe journey and we look forward to seeing you back in Malaysia

    2. Yep. I felt your pain! But there is life outside Penang and Abu Dhabi!

      I just returned from two weeks split into Chicago and New York. It was wonderful! Escaping the 115 degree heat this summer was necessary and I’m not sure how we survived last year.

      The States were like a dream—almost no masks! Only workers seem to wear them while everyone here does. . In fact, our 15 year-old daughter was a bit traumatized. And we have had the Pfizer AND a Chinese vaccine.

      I’m back in Abu Dhabi now for two weeks while the family is tempting fate visiting relatives in Brazil. Funny enough they are having a blast.

      I’ve come to realize that being “forbidden to travel” is much worse than the risks these days.

      Life is short. Enjoy the trip. Malaysian memories will likely bring you back once you break free from confinement!

      1. Hi Ian,
        When forbidden to travel really means forbidden to see loved ones, I’m not having it anymore. As you said, life is short. We will def be back it’s just a matter of when. I’m grateful for all the things I have to miss about Malaysia, which makes going back to the US harder, but I know it’s the right thing.

    3. I hear ya! We’ve been here 23 yrs but Covid has unearthed some strong non-citizen biases with families separated from each other, their homes, beloved pets, and more! The inconsistencies are painful and although we love the country we understand. All the best as you take a break!

    4. Awwww…We gonna miss you both at WTF Studios…Have a beautiful with your family back there in the states and hopefully, once this whole fiasco is over, we get to catch up again someday. Take care there Mark & Kirsten and may the heavens be with all of you always…xx

    5. Best wishes Kirsten and Mark! I love your blog and thank you for putting these feeling of so many into words! We recently made the same hard decision moving back to the US from Penang with so much uncertainty! I would love to keep in touch and see how this next chapter unfolds! Best regards

    6. I loved the blog, I liced 6 months in Penang due my job, from january 2021 to july 2021 and I loved Malaysia bur hate the restrictions however, I want advices to go and lived on Penang after covid, can you advice?

      And I am from Costa Rica so if you want to come here I can help you and O wish we both can go back and Lived again.

      1. Hi Miceldy,
        Thank you!
        I wish I knew what Penang will look like after covid. I can only hope it won’t be too different than the wonderful place it was. I know things will get back to some sort of normalcy it’s just a matter of time. If we decide to check out Costa Rica, I’ll reach out. Thanks again.

    7. Hi Kirsten,

      Sad to hear you and hubby are leaving Penang after 8 years. May your next destination be more wonderful and blessed.
      Thank you for your wonderful blog and sharing of expats life.
      I am a Malaysian, born in KL, ran off racist Malaysia to Singapore to do my university studies, then returned to Malaysia to further my career and entrepreneur journey.
      Prior to Covid19, I had wanted to reside in the beautiful island of Koh Phangan, Thailand.
      But my wishful exit was deferred due to the constant lockdowns in Malaysia and other countries.
      Since then the country has gone from bad to worst and moving to a failed state status.
      Hopefully my exit can happen later this year end or early next year for me to start a new life in an island paradise devoid of hatred, racism and religious toxicity.
      Your blog and digital nomad journey has been a real inspiration for me to emulate and learn to create a new nomadic lifestyle away from jam packed congested and populated
      urban life as well as greed seeking corporate life. My best wishes to you and Mark.
      God Blessed.
      Eric

      1. Hi Eric, Thank you for the kind words. I hope you are able to move to Koh Phangan or wherever your heart desires. Once the world calms down it will be easier to go. I wish you the best of luck.

    8. I hope you and Mark find some peace from your return to family.
      The last 18 months have been very difficult for most everyone; no less so because of the politically motivated components of what should have been public health issue policies.
      Let’s all hope for relief from both in the coming months.
      Safe travels.

    9. Totally get it Kirsten, as you know, that’s why I’m in UK! But there is one thing I know for sure, the UK is no longer where I want to be, apart from seeing my precious family and friends.
      I’m now ready to come back to Penang irrespective of restrictions etc. I am keeping my faith in the Malaysia that Andrew and I originally fell in love with, will come back,so we can enjoy everything it has to offer again in the not too distant future.

      1. Hi Karen, I know Malaysia will sort it all out and the Penang we love will be waiting for us! Not to mention you and our family here. Can you imagine the reunion scrum we are going to have?

    10. Hi really hope everything goes well for you , new beginnings are full of uncertainties but nothing like an adventure to keep your mind n soul alive , dreaded Covid has changed so much for so many created in a lab another of mans deadliest weapons shame they still haven’t learned to put their energy and money into the future of mankind instead of needing to control and manipulate the good people of earth , this planet could be so much further ahead if they did . Least your move will be filled with joyful reunions for the main part , family is the most beautiful part of life and there’s plenty of adventures to be had in the future, I’ve always found it hard to settle in one place too long this is the longest I’ve stayed in one place by myself and I can’t see me staying much longer , love Cornwall’s beauty and plenty of history to see , I spent 8 years on a barge longest since leaving home I’ve spent in the same home however we moved every two weeks so new garden new people and it was so relaxing till the end , miss that part off life but won’t go back to inland canals and rivers of the U.K. think my decision making has slowed some what new adventures await . You guys will be fine as you’ve got each other in your hearts and as the universe is calling out for you to move there’s bound to be a reason something’s require your presents else where a new adventure springs forward , wish you guys all the best in your journeys

    11. Dear Kirsten & Mark. Such a giant step for you both but one I can understand & relate to. The world has become such a strange place & we’r just have to make the most of it as it transpires. Michael& I wish you both success & happiness in this new phase of your lives. Take care & ho.e that one day we will see each other again Anne & Michael xx

      1. Hi Anne and Michael, Thank you.
        It’s a giant step but a temporary one. You are so right, the world is a strange place and we just have to do our best to keep on trucking. We will see you again, somewhere in this world. I know it!

    12. Oh Kirsten, it really does sadden my heart that you and Mark are leaving! I totally understand your needs and reasoning upon making this very difficult decision. I do hope that wherever you land next will be as fulfilling, adventuresome, and exciting as Penang and Malaysia have been for you two. Safe travels and enjoy visiting all of your families and friends! I hope to see you again somewhere!

    13. Well said Kirsten.. totally can relate and it frustrates me as well as it makes me sad. Let’s hope positive change and enlightenment is on it’s way soon.

    14. Everybody hits a breaking point and you’re wise to recognize your and manage it. I’m doing a similar thing, heading back to America for 3 months to see my new granddaughter and get vaccinated with the really good stuff. I have a return ticket in December because I just “need some space” from Thailand right now, but I’m coming back with the hope that things get over the terrible hump here and change for the better.

      Thanks for opening up about this to us, I’m sure many, many people are feeling the same.

      I hope you enjoy your time back home with your family and Target and good wine and Cool Ranch Doritos!

    15. Huge! Big decision, though I’m sure the ongoing frustration of Covid has made it a little easier in some ways. Enjoy this next stage, and embrace whatever happens next – I’m looking forward to reading along!

    16. Dear Kirsten,
      I am new to your blog, got to it via a FB link.

      These could be exactly my words about our love with Malaysia. Only we are a month a head of you.
      I tell you its good to be home.

      I wish you and your family a great trip back home.

    17. Hi Kirsten,
      it is a difficult decision to leave your “not my second but my only home”. The fact that you did take the decision shows how strong the reasons are. I hope that you and Mark will enjoy the sabbatical and hope to see you back in Penang in the future.
      Jeroen.

    18. Hello Kirsten,

      Thank you for being honest and transparent. You were so kind to email me a few months ago about moving here from the States. We are now on Day 10 of our 14 day quarantine in KLCC, then we move into our condo just down the road where we plan to stay for the next 1-2 years. We really hope the restrictions let up soon, for the vaccinated at least! So far, the fact that we’re vaccinated hasn’t seemed to matter much here (yet).

      I look forward to hearing about your joyful reunions with your families and getting readjusted to the US!

      Blessings,
      Carol Miller from San Diego

      1. Hi Carol, Welcome to KL. They are easing up restrictions for the fully vaccinated so that is a huge help and gives us hope! It is def going to be a readjustment so I think I’ll have plenty of fodder for my blog!🤣

    19. Sad that you’re leaving. I’d rate you as the best foreign-born ambassador Malaysia ever had.
      Best wishes to you and Mark, and I hope the 2 of you return to this wonderful country soon.
      I often tell people Malaysia is probably amongst the best places in the world to be in, except for the politics, which almost every country has bad politicians too,

      1. Awww, thank you Bobby. That’s the nicest! No country is without insane politics, and clearly, the US is no stranger to crazy politicians! We will be back. We love Penang and expect to see it return to its post covid world.

    20. This is inspiring, sad and very admirable. You both are so strong and are the rock for so many people! Safe travels and can’t wait to see you again my
      Beautiful friend.

    21. Hi Kirsten,

      It is really sad to read this but I am not surprised that you have decided to leave and what you had written below is completely spot on!

      “But in the last 7 months, I’ve had more WTF moments than I’ve had in all the 8 years prior put together.”

      Wishing you all the best and do keep the blog going.

      I love your content and perhaps I could get myself some cues to move away too only if I had more courage…

    22. Hi Kristen,

      I have MM2H. I was scheduled to fly to Penang from Singapore on 5 August. I have been trying to move from Jakarta for 10 months. I have not seen my family who are in Vancouver for 18 months. Like you I have just decided to postpone coming to Penang and go to Canada for the rest of the year. I have a flight booked to Penang on 21 January 2022. I simply hope that things will be better by then. I am already double Pfizer vaccinated. I can fully understand you taking a pass on Malaysia for the time being, particularly when aged parents are involved. All the best in the States. I have always enjoyed reading your Penang blog and hopefully our paths will cross in Penang next year. In the meantime, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Stay well. Regards,
      Nick Stone.

    23. Great to hear from you about how you are feeling. We are going to miss you guys sooooo much and hope like hell that you’ll be back. Glad you’ve got someplace warm to spend your winter until you come home. Hugs LPE Andaman

    24. We will miss you but I totally get it. I would leave too if we get the chance but for now, we are stuck here.

      Hope to see you back in Penang soils again some day and all the best in the next part of the journey..

    25. I know leaving is gut wrenching dear niece and Mr. niece but we can’t wait to have you here in the good old imperfect U.S of A, for whatever time you allot to family and friends. You and Mark always have a bedroom suite with me. With tons of love for all the great blogs and more!
      Uncie

    26. It breaks our hearts to see you both leave, but we TOTALLY get you…… you have do what you have to do. We wish you both the best of luck always and we really hope to see you back here someday xx

      1. We are new to Penang, just 12 months, but totally understand your sentiments. Unfortunately I have come to believe that the hold world is like Malaysia just a different mix of politics and bigotry in each case. I think that the trick is to find the best mix of both together with climate and friends and stay there, where ever that is. Good luck to you both, stay safe and be at peace as you will never find perfection.

        1. Hi Neale, I don’t expect perfection. I’m far too worldly to expect that from any country, including my own! Or should I say, especially my own!🤣 And the whole world is in shambles, it’s just how different it is handled. We LOVE Penang, it’s our home, and will be back. But we don’t have to stay here right now, so we’ll return when it’s calmer and I know that day will come!

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *